Halloween ruled when I was little. I would spend hours going from house to house, getting yummy candy. But, at the end of the night, there was always some crappy candy to be found, sometimes a lot of it. Some of you may like these candies, and really, some aren’t bad in small amounts. But, as a kid, it seemed like you got a lot of all of these, and it was too much of a bad thing. What did they all have in common? They were cheap. These were always given out by the cheapskates.
Keep in mind that some of these candies are delicious. It’s just that in huge volumes, at halloween, they aren’t so great.
Good And Plenty. I happen to enjoy these now, but as a kid, they were like medicine covered pieces of tree.
Mini Mr. Goodbar. You never see Mr. Goodbar in full size bars. Why would making a mini version of it be any better?
Dum Dum’s. It’s not that Dum Dum’s aren’t tasty in their own right, it’s that I only seemed to get the gross flavors, and I never got less that 50 of them.
Atomic Fireballs. Yeah, scorching your taste buds with hot lava rocks sounds like a good time to me.
Dots. One box, maybe. 15 boxes of rubbery, flavorless, colored gelatin, covered in corn starch? No thanks.
Smarties. These are supposed to be fruit flavored. Have you ever had fruit that tasted like dust? Me neither.
Tootsie Rolls. The big old Tootsie Rolls? Sure, one or two isn’t bad. But 1/2 pound of the super mini Tootsie Rolls?
Brach’s Strawberry Bon-Bons. These didn’t taste too bad, but they always came barely wrapped. How could you tell if some psycho in his mom’s basement spent hours dipping these in poison? You couldn’t, so you threw them out.
Random Candy Discs (Particularly Butterscotch). Really? Hard candy? Thanks for breaking out your dead grandma’s candy collection, appreciate it.
Waxy Chocolate. Remember these “chocolate” coins? There were also some round, foil wrapped balls, that tasted similarly. Sometimes they had crispy rice in them, but always they were waxy and nasty, and often covered with a white wax. Sick.
Dubble Bubble gum. Hey, gum is good right? Not when it is rock hard, and breaks a molar.
Salt Water Taffy. Shouldn’t taffy have a discernible flavor? Plain isn’t a flavor.
Necco Wafers. Hey, here is an idea for a candy, anything BUT discs of chalk.
Pumpkins. Hey, kids love squash and gourds, let’s make it into a flavorless wax candy.
Candy Corn. Everyone knows how much kids love vegetables. It seems only natural to make it a candy, that in no way resembles it’s name sake.
Mary Jane Peanut Butter Kisses. These were the worst. I never ate them, they went straight into the trash. The paper was always greasy, they were questionably wrapped, and smelled like unwashed hair. Screw you old lady on the corner that gave these out every year.
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